I have a terrible problem where the only time I feel at peace is when I write something really profound and the only time I write something really profound is at 1am in the morning and I have work tomorrow and class and a life that (I think?) I’m supposed to be living.
I had this idea in my head that maybe you and I would have another go at everything. Just give us another shot. We’d have our “second first date,” and “second first kiss,” maybe a “second… second first something?” Is there more for us? We never got much further than that (I mean, not much further that I’d divulge).
But it’s almost been a week since we talked last. Things will never be the same between us. Not that they should be! Things were never right between us. But I’ve always wished they were worth another round in the ring. I doubt you’d ever think that. Impermanence and inevitability. Maybe I’m learning something, but more likely I’m just sad.
It’s been a week. A whole week. This time last year, we couldn’t go five minutes. Miss you, sunshine.
P.S. - I met a girl today named Margaret. She looked like you - well maybe not really. Her hair was as short as yours. I realized something I already knew; I only thought she was pretty because of that semblance to you.
A short love poem
I didn’t touch my lunch because your words were far more appetizing.
It is 3:06 PM, October 3rd 2013
and I just talked to you for the first time in something like four months - maybe (actually definitely) more.
I’ve made some poor choices before. I wish I could go back and redo them - find the one that leads back to me and you. I don’t know.
You seem really happy and just as wonderful. And I try my best to speak truths - I wanted to see you because I missed you terribly. I was so nervous to see you again though. I don’t know.
I’m not sure where we’ll go from here, or if “we” are going anywhere at all.
I am sure that you are the same girl I fell for.
I am sure that the reason I hardly ate my soup was because I was too enthralled in every word you said.
I am sure that when we walked down the avenue, it felt like I’d done this before, or that I ought to have.
And I am sure that when you turned the corner to meet me for lunch, I had never been so happy to see someone in my whole life.